


Get a Grip!

by simperino



Category: Deadpool (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man (Video Game 2018), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Identity Reveal, Inappropriate Humor, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Wade Wilson Breaking the Fourth Wall
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-20
Updated: 2020-02-20
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:22:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,923
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22813789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/simperino/pseuds/simperino
Summary: "Don’t be so cruel, Spidey! Okay… street hot dogs? Crappy Chinese food? Pizza?”Finally, Peter stops and crosses his arms, “I want Eddie’s Pizza. And none of that nasty pineapple and olives stuff you like. Just pepperoni. Also, I want a large.”“Baby boy, you should know by now that I only handle things that come in large.”Peter Parker has just as many good qualities as Spider-Man.
Relationships: Past Black Cat/Spider-Man, Past Felicia Hardy/Peter Parker, Peter Parker/Wade Wilson, Spider-Man/Deadpool
Comments: 4
Kudos: 274





	Get a Grip!

**Author's Note:**

> This is NOT the cinematic universe. Peter is in his mid-20s and I'd say Wade is going on 30. I imagine the comic book Deadpool, but I guess it's fine if you imagine Ryan Reynolds. Otherwise, go for comic Spidey, PS4 Spidey, or at least Andrew Garfield.

“No, no. I cannot handle this right now. You’re giving me a migraine.” Peter furiously rubs his fingers into his temples as he turns to face away from Deadpool, who is currently laughing so hard his breathing turns into wheezes, forcing him to lean against the brick building in the alleyway. 

“Dude- Spidey- look at this motherfucker!” Deadpool cackles and gestures his desert eagle toward the crippled arsonist moaning on the concrete. “He lit his own pants on _fire_ and then _shat_ himself! That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day!” Deadpool continues to laugh and slap his hand against the wall, creating a minor indentation in the architecture. 

“Are we really the only ones who think that’s funny?” 

“Yes!” Peter whips around and makes a strangled noise as he clenches his fingers in the air right next to Deadpool’s face. “You are _insufferable_! That was completely unnecessary, you always interfere with my patrols and blow things way out of proportion!”

“‘M sorry, Webs, but when it comes to blowing things, I can’t help myself.”

Peter groans loudly and webs the defeated criminal laying dejectedly on the ground while Wade giggles. He turns back around.

“Whatever, I’m out of here. I’m so done with you. At least make yourself useful for once and communicate with my contact about this… mess.” Peter gestures to the culprit and walks away, annoyance rolls through his stiff muscles as he steps up onto the side of the building.

“Aw- Don’t go! Pleeeaaase, lemme make it up to you? How about chimichangas?” Deadpool drops to his knees and begins to plead, watching Peter ascend up the edifice. When Peter ignores him, Deadpool continues listing food options: “Tacos? Burritos? Enchiladas? Tamales? Nachos? Quesadillas? Don’t be so cruel, Spidey! Okay… street hot dogs? Crappy Chinese food? Pizza?”

Finally, Peter stops and crosses his arms, “I want Eddie’s Pizza. And none of that nasty pineapple and olives stuff you like. Just pepperoni. Also, I want a large.”

“Baby boy, you should know by now that I only handle things that come in large.”

And that’s how Peter finds himself sitting with Deadpool at 2 am on the rooftop Eddie regularly delivers to. 

“What’s up with you? You seem a lot more annoyed than usual. And tense. Why’re ya stressin’? D’ya need a massage? These babies aren’t limited to lethal activities, they also specialize in the pleasurable kinds.” Wade wags his fingers and manages to make his expressional mask wiggle its eyebrows. 

“Touch me and I’ll fling you off this roof.”

“Just more practice for skydiving! I had a great grandmother go skydiving for her eightieth- and lemme tell you, regeneration mutations don’t run in the family.” 

“Mm.” Peter furrows his eyebrows and suppresses a chuckle, but he thinks Deadpool can tell he’s trying not to laugh. Wade hums,

“So, what’s up, Doc?” 

Peter adverts his eyes and focuses on a small group loudly exiting a club, disrupting the otherwise mostly quiet night.

“I’m just tired.” Peter chews his pizza and swallows. “I really like my job, y’know. It’s interesting and I’m helping people, but doing it on top of being Spider-Man is a lot,” Peter frowns and kicks his legs over the side of the ledge. “And I hate quiet nights!” He points his pizza accusingly down at the city. “It’s like- do you even appreciate how long it takes me to come out here? There could at least be, I dunno, some activity!” 

“Whoa, Spidey, upset there’s no crime? You must be _real_ bored doing, I dunno, whatever arachnids do. Spinning webs, eating bugs, scaring people… I don’t know what spiders do.” Wade shrugs and slurps the cheese sliding off his steamy piece of pizza. 

“Yeah, um, this girl who I’d been uh… seeing… sorta dumped me.” Peter bites his cheek and reaches into the box to steal the last slice. This prods Wade’s interest. 

“Oh, that kind of bored, _Spider_?” He squeezes the back of Peter’s neck, causing him to hunch his shoulders together. 

“You sound like her,” Peter mumbles into his food. 

“Aha! I knew it!” Wade bursts forward, causing Peter to flinch and grab his shoulder with a sticky hand to ensure he didn’t fall off the side. “It _was_ you and Black Cat on that rooftop! Yeesh, Spidey, get a room! I thought your comics were supposed to be kid-friendly!- And that certainly exceeded PG-13!” Peter retracts his hand and buries his face into it. 

“I was beginning to think she was an exhibitionist…” This causes Wade to guffaw and slap his leg. 

“Oh, buddy,” Wade wipes a tear that leaked out of the whites of the eyes in his mask, “That sucks. She was hot- I mean, I guess I don’t have to tell that to you!” Wade chuckles and nudges Peter with his elbow, who in turn grumbles and studies his droopy pizza. “At least tell your friendly neighborhood pool-party what happened.”

“Ugh,” Peter sighs and rubs his hands over his mask, “She only likes Spider-Man, not the guy under the mask.” Peter sets his pizza down and crosses his legs together on the ledge. “So, when I tried to get uh, a bit more personal, she didn’t like it and cut off connections.”

“Aw, Spidey, I’m sorry. You deserve better than that anyway-”

“It’s probably for the best. She’s a thief. Hanging around two proclaimed ex-criminals was really bringing down my m.o.” Peter laughs lightly and relaxes a little further when Wade’s hand reclaims its position on the back of his neck. 

“Mhm, one clingy do-badder is probably enough for the Amazing Spider-Man to handle.” Wade sucks the grease off his gloved thumb and continues giving Peter a massage. 

The eyes of Peter’s mask flicker closed and he really can’t help falling into the warmth Wade provides and leaning into the smell of Mexican food and gunpowder. 

“Alright, Webs.” Wade’s abrupt and sturdy pat on the back pulls Peter back into reality. “Ya better go home before you fall asleep on this roof.” 

“Mm.” Peter stands up and stretches, “Yeah, you’re probably right.” 

He looks down at the cars and people bustling underneath him, all ignoring Peter’s stance upon the rooftop. No one looks up and notices the number of lives he’s rescued or the countless villains he’s put behind bars or how many times he’s assisted saving the entire damned city. He looks at the city that bullied Peter Parker, killed his uncle, and left him and his aunt to fend for themselves. Then he looks at Deadpool, who is looking back at him. 

“But, do you want to have a sleepover instead?” Peter smiles softly and extends his hand to Wade. He can see the big grin outlined under his mask as he takes Peter’s hand and hoists himself up.

“Hell to the yes! My place or yours?” Wade smirks and yanks Peter closer to drape his own arm around Peter’s waist. 

“Um, let’s go with your place.” Peter places his hands on Deadpool’s chest to give himself a little more space but realizes his mistake as soon as he feels Wade’s muscular abs. He balls his hands into fists instead. 

“Fine, fine. Not ready to let go of that secret identity of yours. I get it.” Wade releases Peter, adding to his disappointment, “The mask is sacred. I can respect it. You know where my place is, yeah? Lead the way!”

“Uh-huh, hop on, then,” Peter dismisses and crouches slightly to prepare for Deadpool climbing onto his back.

“Don’t let anyone tell you you’re not a gentleman,” Wade huffs and hugs the back of Peter’s back right as he flings himself off the roof and shoots webs building to building.

“Don’t pull that stunt and let go again,” Peter grits out when he feels Wade loosen his grip.

“Aw, I think you just like it when I hold you tightly,” Wade croons and rests his head on Peter’s shoulder.

“When we’re hundreds of feet above the ground? Yes, I do like it,” Peter grumbles and lands against the side of Wade’s apartment and allows him to slide off his back onto the fire escape. 

Wade slides his unlocked window open and, like the courteous man he is, gestures for Peter to enter first. Peter snorts and jumps through the window into Wade’s living room. 

“I’m taking a pair of your sweatpants and a t-shirt,” Peter hollers as he walks to the other side of the apartment as Wade clicks the window shut behind him.

“And I’ll warm up the Switch!” Wade shouts back when Peter flings his messy drawers open. Ignoring the Spider-Man themed pajamas that he knows he definitely didn’t profit from, Peter picks a bland, grey pair of sweatpants and a Wham! rock t-shirt. He quickly changes out of his suit (save for the mask) and returns to Wade selecting his character on Mario Kart. 

Peter grabs the controller waiting for him, selects Yoshi, and waits for Wade to finally settle on Princess Peach.

After Peter beats him for the sixth time, Wade throws his controller, like the true sore loser he actually is.

“What? You mad you suck?” Peter laughs and leans back on the couch to watch Yoshi’s victory dance after he passes Peach.

“You know what, I bet you’re not nearly as good at Smash,” Wade declares and retrieves his controller to switch games.

“I’ll have you know that I had an N64 while growing up, SSB64 included,” Peter smirks and decides on Samus while Wade chooses Ryu. 

Out of the eight matches they play, Wade manages to beat Peter twice, and only because he leaned over and licked the side of Peter’s mask, allowing him to grab the Smash Ball while Peter was distracted.

“Okay, well, I could-“ Wade interrupts himself with a yawn, “beat you in real life, so, you’re not all that hot, Spider-Man.”

“And we all know that’s also not true.” Peter closes his eyes and leans his head over the back of the couch.

“The hot part? Yeah, definitely not true, but the rest is! We’ll have to settle it with a sparring match in the morning, then! I call bottom.” Wade heaves himself off the couch with a grunt and leaves the room to grab pajamas for himself. 

Peter learned over the years not to pressure Wade into changing out of his suit despite knowing how uncomfortable wearing spandex for a whole day is. He knew Wade would change whenever he felt safe. 

“I don’t know if we’re thinking of the same kind of fighting...” Peter mumbles. 

Wade drapes a blanket over his body and returns to his original position on the couch. They fall asleep to the comfortable silence existing between them around 4 am.

When Peter wakes up six hours later, he finds himself in a cliche position laying on top of Wade’s chest with his arms wrapped around Peter’s waist. He has two options:

Option a: He could enjoy being this close to his partner and fall back asleep so Wade can be the one to deal with the dilemma.

Option b: Peter could try to slip out of the arms of a world-class mercenary.

Obviously, he attempts option b. He _is_ Spider-Man, after all, give him some credit. 

Peter moves a muscle and Wade instantly stirs. The breath is sucked out of his lungs when Wade stretches back onto the couch and hikes his hands up Peter’s spine. He opens his eyes and rubs his back over the shirt with a grin. 

“Hey, Spidey, you look pretty. I guess the mask is good at shielding morning breath, so that’s a bonus,” Wade quips and squeezes Peter tighter against him. 

“I do not have morning breath.” Peter squints the eyes of his mask and elects not to move anymore. Not that he can, really, or wants to.

“If you’d like, I could be the judge of that,” Wade suggests and wiggles his eyebrows. He’d taken his mask off sometime during the night, allowing Peter to see his face. 

The trust Wade put in him doesn’t go unnoticed, and it’s not that he has a secret identity like Peter, he just really does not like to remove his mask. It’s not like Peter hadn’t noticed the lack of mirrors throughout his apartment. 

Peter bites his cheek while Wade starts blabbering, “I’m kidding, Spidey, I’ll stop bothering you about the identity thing. The anonymity is kinda hot, anyway. Do you want pancakes? I make great pancakes, and I have syrup imported straight from Canada! So, you know it’s The Good Stuff. ‘Cause anything Canadian made is damn near perfection, and I think I serve as a great example-”

Wade’s tangent is cut off by Peter ripping his mask off his head. And the gasp Wade is about to release is forced into Peter’s mouth when he kisses him. Peter breaks the kiss and looks at Wade expectantly with raised eyebrows. 

Wade clicks his tongue, licks his lips, looks up at the ceiling, looks back at Peter and then says, “Yeah, you definitely have morning breath.”

Peter rolls his eyes but can’t resist the smile pulling at his lips. He kisses him again. This time, Wade flips them and pushes Peter deeper into the couch with the kiss. Peter can’t help but groan and push his hands up under Wade’s shirt to feel his abs. When Wade removes his shirt, Peter pulls away.

“Wait- Wade.” Peter places his hands on Wade’s face and holds his cheeks. Wade gives him a fervent look. 

“I’m Peter Parker,” Peter breathes and smiles sheepishly. “And- and, I’m not willing to let you have a relationship with Spider-Man. But, you can have one with Peter. With me. And, I get it if you just like my alter-ego, but I don’t really want a repeat of what happened with Felicia and-” 

Now it Wade’s turn to silence him with a kiss. Peter’s eyes flutter shut as his hands fall from Wade’s face down his neck and shoulders back to his chest.

Wade breaks it and tells him, “Peter. Petey-bo-betey, baby, I could pride myself in saying I knew Spider-Man, but do you know how happy I am knowing you? I’m not that shallow, honey. I think I’d like a relationship with Peter even more than with your sexy alias.”

“Well.” Peter rubs his hands over Wade’s collarbone, “That’s all I really needed to hear.” He reclaims his position on top of Wade and attacks him with kisses.

Yes, the scars feel weird, but a good weird. And while Peter was used to the sight of them, touching them was a whole other, better deal. He wouldn’t lie and say they weren’t unattractive, but Peter could truthfully admit he could appreciate them and accept them as part of Wade, just as Wade accepts Spider-Man as part of Peter. The scars don’t define him, similar to how Spider-Man doesn’t define Peter. 

Peter pulls away from the hot make-out to place kisses on Wade’s jaw down to his body. Wade _whines_ when Peter bites and begins to suck marks on the side of his neck. Peter’s hands don’t stay idle, they find their way down to the Spider-Man themed pajamas Peter earlier dismissed. He hears Wade’s breath hitch when Peter wraps his hand around Wade’s dick and squeezes. 

“Jeez-laweez, Petey, for some reason I didn’t think you’d be all that great at this, but, again, I stand pleasantly corrected!” Wade flushes as he helps pull his pants and boxers off his legs while Peter pumps his cock. 

“Well, college is meant for something,” Peter hums and scoots down between his legs as Wade laughs surprisedly. Peter takes off his own shirt and licks a stripe up Wade’s shaft, earning a full-body shiver in response. Peter grabs Wade’s thighs and begins to suck on the head of his dick. Wade exhales loudly and grabs the cushions of the couch. 

If you thought the Merc with a Mouth would be quiet during sex, you’d be very wrong. The entire time Peter is giving a blowjob is filled with, “You’re so good, Petey,” and, “If dick-sucking was an Olympic sport, you’d be a gold medalist,” or, “I can’t believe Spider-Man is good at giving head,” and, of course, “Oh shit, oh shit- Pete I’m gonna-” And, like the pro Peter is, he simply fits as much of Wade as he can in his mouth and swallows. 

He sits up, wipes his chin and bashfully says, “That’s one pretty dick belonging to one pretty guy.” Peter beams at Wade’s ginormous smile.

“Alright, while that was _phenomenal_ , I think it’s your turn.” Wade nods to the tent in Peter’s pants, grabs his legs and yanks him down onto the couch. He wastes no time returning the favor by pulling off Peter’s pants and underwear and wrapping his own lips around Peter’s cock. 

It’s safe to say that Peter finishes a lot faster with his dick down Wade’s throat.

“Mmm…” Wade smiles and presses kisses into the side of Peter’s head when he collapses back on top of him. “Damn, we should have sixty-nined.”

“Does anyone other than pornstars and people still experimenting actually sixty-nine?”

“Well, I have, and I think the position offers great access to both your dick and your absolutely fantastic ass.” This remark causes Peter to groan loudly. “What? It’s not a fic with us if I don’t mention your butt at least once!”

“Whatever. Are you gonna make me pancakes, or what?”

He does, and they’re really good. 

**Author's Note:**

> Edit: Ok I just got the second The Black Cat Strikes comic and for some reason I thought Peter kept his identity away from Felicia, but, I guess that's actually not the case lmao.  
> Also, my great grandmother actually did go skydiving for her eightieth birthday! But, don't worry, she made it to the ground safely in one piece. ;)


End file.
